A picture is worth a thousand words, and a good meme is worth about forty technical blog posts. Here are some of the ones I’ve made or posted in the wild, usually right after sitting through a vendor pitch that made me lose faith in humanity.
Click any image to see it full size. Save them, share them, use them in your own decks — I’m not precious about it.
For every time somebody asked me to deploy a schema change on a Friday afternoon to production without a backup. Go ahead. Make my day.
The happiest place on earth, until you need a join. Then it's just a regular database with more steps.
Remember when tokens meant three lives on Street Fighter II? Now they mean your CFO is having a very hard Tuesday.
How every AI vendor explains their pricing, moments before you get the first invoice.
When the demo hits production and the LLM starts writing queries that would make a DBA file for PTO.
More coming as I make them. If a database company says something dumb at a keynote, it will probably show up here within 48 hours.